Giving birth at home when no midwife is available

When the absence of a midwife becomes an opportunity to become autonomous in childbirth

When you want to give birth at home, finding a midwife willing to travel is not always easy. What should you do when faced with this difficulty? Should you give up on your plan and resign yourself to giving birth in hospital? Or should you look for other ways to give birth at home despite everything? This is precisely the situation we faced with the births of our second and third children.

Our first baby was born in the car on the way to the clinic. When we returned home, we noticed that he was unsettled and nervous. We are convinced that having been left alone for two long hours in an incubator, screaming in distress, traumatized our baby. We believe this explains why he was not as calm and peaceful as all his brothers and sisters would later be. We were eaten up by remorse and regret for not having stayed at home for the birth. Since we could not change the past, we became firmly determined to offer our next children a home birth.

The birth of our second child in Cameroon with a traditional birth attendant

When I was pregnant with our second baby, we were living in Maroua in the Far North of Cameroon. There, midwives only practice in clinics. So we turned to traditional birth attendants and, through connections, we met a man with twenty years of experience in this field. This man did not speak French and we did not understand his language, Fulfulde. So we communicated through an intermediary. This man agreed to come to our home on the day of the birth.

On the day labor began, he arrived at our home around seven or eight in the morning. All morning long, he stayed outside on the terrace, chewing kola nuts. He simply told us that the baby was doing well, but that the time had not yet come. I stayed inside the house, mainly in our bedroom, with Christophe who had taken time off work to stay by my side. Christophe breathed with me between contractions to help me relax. He actively massaged me when the pain returned. The hours passed.

Around 2:30 PM, the birth attendant came into the bedroom with nothing but his two hands. He had no tools, no instruments with him. I was exhausted, completely drained. I wanted to lie down because I could not go on any longer. But the man vigorously straightened my body. With total respect for my woman’s body, and without ever touching my intimate parts, he supported me at the level of my pelvis so that I remained upright. I felt him transmitting a great deal of strength and energy to me through the power of his arms, at a moment when I had none left. Thirty minutes later our second baby emerged. He arrived sleeping, as would be the case for most of his brothers and sisters (see the article A baby fully respected at birth arrives sleeping on this subject). The man did not touch the baby; it was Christophe who took care of him. A little later, the birth attendant helped me with the delivery of the placenta, particularly through vigorous uterine massage and the use of very hot water. After ensuring that the placenta was whole and intact, he returned home, leaving us happily enjoying our newborn together as a couple.

The birth of our third child in France at the heart of our marital intimacy

When I was pregnant with our third baby, we were back in France. During the first months of pregnancy, we lived in the Hautes-Alpes near Briançon. We met a midwife who attended home births. I participated with her and other pregnant women in childbirth preparation sessions. In addition, Christophe and I, along with other couples, watched videos at her home of home births she had attended.

Around six months into the pregnancy, we moved more than eight hundred kilometers away to settle in Maine-et-Loire, south of the city of Angers. We met a homeopathic midwife who had attended home births in the past but no longer wished to do so in order to preserve her private life. In the department, despite our efforts, there was no midwife willing to come to our home for a birth. There was a birth center located in the city of Nantes, 100 kilometers from our home. This birth center had an excellent reputation, so much so that it was necessary to register in the very first weeks of pregnancy to be sure of getting a place. I registered at the hospital, but I had absolutely no desire to give birth there. Moreover, just as with our second baby in Cameroon and with all the following ones, I did not undergo any follow-up with a gynecologist. This was a deliberate choice, because during my first pregnancy I realized that all those blood and urine tests, vaginal examinations and ultrasounds did not help the process at all and bothered me more than anything else.

Firmly determined that the birth should be calm and respected, we understood that on the day itself we would be only the two of us. We prepared ourselves psychologically and organized things so that this could happen. Friends agreed to take care of our two little boys on the day of the birth. The birth went very well, in just three hours, early in the morning, after having slept. This gave us confidence in ourselves. Our next three children would be born in the same place, at the heart of our marital intimacy.

Later on, we left France. For the subsequent births, whether in New Caledonia, Australia or Bolivia, we would not even seek assistance or follow-up during pregnancy or childbirth. We had become autonomous and felt capable of bringing our baby’s birth to completion ourselves (see the article Mastering the conditions of your baby’s birth on this subject).

Conclusion: feeling in your heart whether life is inviting you to become autonomous in giving birth

In conclusion, when you want to give birth at home, if you can’t find a midwife willing to come to your home on the big day, it’s first and foremost a test. Are you going to resign yourself to a hospital birth when you don’t really want to? Or will you find another formula that will allow you to enjoy a home birth in spite of everything? Life is there to accompany you when you need it and help you grow. It’s in your heart that you can feel what’s right for you, provided, of course, you’ve managed to free yourself of all your fears (see the article Overcoming fears of unassisted childbirth on this subject).

As long as you’re governed by fear, it’s not your heart that decides, but your mind that takes control of your life. If you follow your heart, you’ll be guided to make your most cherished desires a reality. If there’s no midwife, perhaps you’ll meet someone else who can accompany you on the day of the birth and who will be perfectly suited to your situation : a doula, a friend, a family member… Or you may feel the call in your heart to experience the birth of your child as a couple or on your own.

Always listen to the inner call of your heart, that little voice that doesn’t make a sound, but knows with certainty what’s right for you.

Your heart will always lead you to what’s best for you, given YOUR situation, and no one but YOU can know what’s best for the birth of YOUR child.

This article was written by Claire Loiseleur who is mother of eleven children all born in conjugal intimacy by choosing to offer our babies a birth with all the respect and love they deserve and co-author of the book:

Tout en musique et en couleurs, avec beaucoup de légendes et d’explications en voix off, le DVD VIVRE NATURELLEMENT ET PAISIBLEMENT LA NAISSANCE complète merveilleusement bien les enseignements du livre L’ACCOUCHEMENT NATUREL AUTONOME VÉCU EN COUPLE. Il est offert sous forme d’un lien de téléchargement de la vidéo à toute personne ayant acheté le livre.

Read other articles on respected childbirth :

The book AUTONOMOUS NATURAL CHILDBIRTH AS A COUPLE is part of the Lights for a New World books presented on the Youtube channel and Facebook page entitled : Lights for a New World

The expression « Lights for a New World » is explained on the following page :