Why become self-reliant in childbirth?

The benefits of taking responsibility for the birth of your children

In developed countries, childbirth is considered a medical procedure, and medical assistance during the birth of a child has become the norm. Therefore, choosing to pursue Autonomous Natural Childbirth requires unwavering determination. Our internal motivation must far outweigh the presented benefits of medically assisted childbirth, such as the comfort of not having to do anything because others will take care of everything, or the ease of having 100% of the costs covered by health insurance, for example.

Here are the reasons that led me to choose Autonomous Natural Childbirth for the birth of my eleven children.

1 – Respect

By giving birth in the heart of marital intimacy, at the pace of the process as it unfolded and without ever forcing anything, I preserved the integrity of my body and my organs. I gave birth to eleven children in twenty years, and I am very happy that my body has remained intact. My abdomen and perineum are in perfect condition, having never been torn, cut, or stitched. I only know these words by name, and they send a chill down my spine: monitoring, oxytocin, episiotomy, forceps, cesarean section, breaking the waters, epidural, feet in stirrups, delivery table, operating room, labor room, trauma, vaginal examination, iatrogenic procedures, complaints…

In the book Autonomous Natural Childbirth as a Couple, I explain how I specifically avoided tearing my perineum during the eleven births I have experienced.

Because my body had been fully respected, I quickly regained my energy after giving birth, allowing me to be ready to take care of my large family again.

Furthermore, it was essential for us to give our children a birth with all the respect they deserve. The moment of birth is a time when the newborn feels extremely vulnerable and completely at the mercy of its external environment. Sensitive to life in general, and to babies in particular, we let ourselves be guided by our parental instincts, being able to put ourselves in our baby’s place to feel what they were feeling and imagine how we would feel if we were in their place.

This way, the baby usually arrives asleep (see the video in the article A baby fully respected at birth arrives sleeping on this topic). If they are truly respected, they continue to sleep and wake up quietly a few minutes or tens of minutes after their arrival.

The proof that the baby is truly respected is that they remain calm and quiet. It is important to understand that if they cry, it means that something is wrong, something is hurting them or scaring them. If treated with the respect they deserve, newborns will not make any noise. This imprints in their subconscious that our world is a welcoming and respectful place, where they are welcome.

2 – Tranquility

By giving birth in the heart of marital intimacy, I chose to surround myself with a serene and peaceful atmosphere, free from any external stress. Childbirth is an intense physical effort for the body, which some compare to running a marathon. Being at home, in my intimacy, I was able to conserve my energy to overcome this effort, regardless of the circumstances and my age. It is well known that any form of stress, whether physical, emotional, or environmental, causes a net loss of energy. All disturbances lead to a loss of composure. On the contrary, a natural and peaceful context allows you to live fully, push your limits, and develop your personal power.

Furthermore, by staying at home, we had complete control over the conditions of the birth. Aware that the baby who was about to come into this world was sensitive, fragile, and vulnerable, we did everything we could to create a peaceful and quiet context: soft, subdued lighting, parents whispering, slow and gentle gestures toward the newborn, no noise, no shouting, no crying, no excitement, no stress, no trauma.

To avoid disturbing my babies, I never weighed or measured them on the day they were born, or even in the days or weeks that followed. What good are these numbers, which only serve to reassure the potentially anxious minds of the “grown-ups” we have become?

For us, the most important thing was to make sure our babies felt good in their little bodies. So, it was far more important for me to breastfeed them, touch them, caress them, carry them, massage them, stretch their numb limbs, and avoid crying at all costs, rather than knowing how much they weighed or measured….

3 – Freedom

By giving birth in the heart of marital intimacy, I was completely free to give birth the way I wanted to. I felt free to move my body as I wished, free to adopt whatever position I wanted. I didn’t need to negotiate anything with anyone. The question didn’t even arise. If I wanted to lie down, I did so. If the pain made me sit up, I simply moved into the position my body required. If I was thirsty, I drank. If I wanted to go outside, I went outside. If I wanted to walk, I walked. No one was there to tell me what to do.

Christophe was by my side, present and trying to respond to my requests. He massaged my back where it hurt, breathed with me to help me relax between contractions, and brought me a glass of water when I was thirsty.

4 – Empowerment

Each birth was a challenge for me, an intense effort, for which I prepared myself during the months of pregnancy, just as an athlete prepares for an upcoming event.

I knew that the outcome of the birth depended on me and me alone. So I did everything I thought would be beneficial: detoxifying my body, living a healthy lifestyle and eating a balanced diet, getting plenty of rest before the big day, preparing what was needed for the other children (for example, buying ready-made food so they could eat easily on the day I wouldn’t be able to cook because I would be busy with the birth).

Each birth pushed me to my limits and the limits of my strength. At the end of the journey, I felt exhausted, drained, but at the same time happy to have made it through and fulfilled by the sight of my newborn baby, so cute and so peaceful.

5 – Love

A child is the direct manifestation of the act of love that led its parents to unite their bodies. When the birth takes place in the heart of marital intimacy, childbirth becomes a direct extension of the loving energy of the baby’s conception. During a birth experienced as a couple, the physical closeness allowed, almost sexual, stimulates the production of endorphins, helping to reduce the pain of childbirth. Thus, marital intimacy seemed to us to be the ideal welcoming context for each of our children.

A birth experienced as a couple requires the man to fully assume his role as the lover of the woman he has chosen as the mother of his children. His true place is to accompany his partner in the intense effort required of her by life to bring their common child into the world. Experiencing births in the heart of marital intimacy strengthens the bond of love between the baby’s father and mother. Spouses are led to collaborate in meeting this challenge that presents itself to them. The synchronization of breathing and prolonged physical contact between the man and woman unite the couple and bring them closer to the state experienced during sexual orgasm.

This state of deep well-being is soothing for the body, which relaxes, and the mind, which lets go of what is happening. It is in this inner state that the couple can experience the birth process most naturally, with the woman remaining focused on mobilizing her energy for the effort required. In this particular context, fears, anxieties, and rash actions have no place, as these are linked to the production of adrenaline, whereas the couple secretes endorphins. The man and woman will then feel gratitude towards each other for having succeeded together in giving their baby a birth with all the respect and love it deserves.

Furthermore, if we chose Autonomous Natural Childbirth, it is primarily out of love for our baby. It was our parental love that drove us to provide this baby with favorable, gentle, warm, and welcoming conditions on the day it came into the world, emerging from my body.

In conclusion, choosing Autonomous Natural Childbirth means remaining free and in control of circumstances, so that you can experience this wonderful event on your own terms. It means giving yourself the freedom to experience the birth of your child in a familiar environment conducive to the fulfillment of your birth plan. It is a gift offered to the child, who is fully respected and can thus begin, from the very first day of life, to build self-confidence and trust in life, which will provide a solid foundation for moving forward in life later on. See the article: For a birth without violence on this topic.

Experiencing birth in the heart of marital intimacy means welcoming a new human being into the world in a context favorable to peace—and therefore to love.

Experiencing birth naturally and peacefully ultimately means granting yourself the right and the power to cherish this unforgettable event as a happy memory.

This article was written by Claire Loiseleur, mother of eleven children all born within the heart of marital intimacy, through our conscious choice to offer our babies a birth with all the Love and Respect they deserve, and co-author of the book and documentary:

Filled with music and colours, and enriched with numerous captions and voice-over explanations, the documentary EXPERIENCING BIRTH NATURALLY AND PEACEFULLY beautifully complements the teachings shared in the book NATURAL BIRTH WITHIN THE INTIMACY OF THE COUPLE.

This film is available as a streaming video, with instant viewing through a private personal link offering unlimited access.

Read more articles on the topic of respectful childbirth.

A list of these 22 articles, along with a brief summary of each, is available on the following page:

The book GIVING BIRTH NATURALLY AND FREELY AS A COUPLE is part of the Lights for a New World books presented on the Youtube channel and Facebook page entitled : Lights for a New World

The expression « Lights for a New World » is explained on the following page :