Overcoming your fears of unassisted childbirth

Developing mindful control to welcome your baby naturally and peacefully

Fear is a natural human emotion designed to protect us from danger. I have always taught my very young children to be afraid of certain dangers, in order to prevent accidents as much as possible. For example, when I was baking bread, I would show them how unpleasant the heat from the oven felt and how potentially dangerous it was for their little hands. My goal was to teach them not to touch the oven when it was hot.

Fear: an ally to tame

Personally, I am both adventurous and cautious, and I realize that new things require learning to overcome the apprehensions that come with them. For example, when you don’t yet know how to drive a car, you might be afraid, and in a way, that’s a good thing—it helps you avoid putting your own life and the lives of others at risk. To overcome these fears, you have to take it step by step and practice what I called, in raising my children, “the method of small, successive successes.” So, to return to the example of driving, you first learn to maneuver a car in a parking lot, then drive on quiet, little-used roads while accompanied by an experienced person, and then practice more and more, always with someone accompanying you. A day will come when driving becomes second nature and our former fears will make us smile…

My second son, Denis, is a pilot of small single-engine planes. Personally, I would be very afraid to fly those small planes, and that’s a good thing in itself, because I’m not capable of it. The day Denis took me for a ride in the small two-seater plane he had built with his own hands, I was frightened by the plane’s apparent instability, which causes much more movement than in a commercial airliner, even during turbulence. Denis himself had to overcome his own fears. At the age of ten, he was terrified of getting on a plane. We absolutely had to leave Australia and had booked a flight to New Caledonia. But Denis was crying at the airport, traumatized by the thought of getting on the plane. Then, at the age of thirteen, during a short flight between two cities in Bolivia (Santa Cruz and La Paz), he said to me himself: “Mom, how can I want to become a pilot when I’m so scared during flights?”

Today, Denis is twenty-eight years old. Little by little, he overcame his fears to become capable of realizing his dreams. He earned his single-engine pilot’s license in Bolivia, then in Canada. He then accumulated enough flight hours to obtain his commercial pilot’s license for single-engine aircraft. He became the owner of his own four-seat single-engine plane. This plane serves as his means of transportation for his work as an aeronautical engineer specializing in electrical systems. His professional mission involves traveling to repair helicopters that have broken down in often very remote locations in Canada’s Far North, “a thousand miles from any inhabited land,” as per the famous expression by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, which Denis himself echoes. Denis is no longer afraid of flying or even of piloting a plane, but he remains measured and cautious on every flight, for he is, of course, aware—as we all are—of the very real and potentially fatal risks involved.

Childbirth: experimenting to build self-confidence and trust in life

Let’s now turn to the subject of childbirth. Taking full responsibility for the birth of one’s child requires having overcome one’s fears: fear that the birth will go wrong, fear of not being able to handle it, fear of the pains of childbirth, fear of possible complications. At first, the unknown is scary, and this is true for everything in life. When we do something for the first time, we always have to overcome our apprehensions and anxieties. The first times are the hardest; they’re the ones that push us to go beyond our limits. If you become a mother, there will be the first time you give birth. When you haven’t yet experienced childbirth in your own body, you may find yourself overwhelmed by all sorts of anxieties. What should you do then?

Six keys to turning fear into confidence

The first thing is to calm your mind and reconnect with your body, because ultimately, it is your body that will give birth. Learning to listen to your body and follow its cues is essential not only for a smooth delivery but also, and above all, for a healthy pregnancy.

The second thing is to overcome fears by reconnecting with the love you already feel for the child you have the privilege of carrying within you. Fear and love are two opposing forces. The more you return to love, the more your fears melt away, much like snow melting in the sun.

The third thing is to visualize what you want in terms of childbirth. It is essential to focus your mind on what you want to experience, rather than on all the disasters that could happen in the worst-case scenario. What’s the point of fixating your imagination on all the horrible things that could happen? When you know that, by the law of attraction, thoughts create reality, it’s far better to focus your imagination on the beauty and magic of birth, on the miracle that will take place the day the baby appears before everyone’s eyes.

The fourth thing is to return to the present and to reality. Imagining a beautiful, ideal birth is not enough to ensure it goes well. That would be too easy, and everyone would know it. Like everything in life, a birth must be prepared for on all levels: physical, energetic, emotional, and spiritual. In our book, we talk about the seeds of birth. In life, we always reap what we sow. It is a law of the universe, and childbirth is a bit like an exam. The best recipe for passing your high school graduation exam is, above all, to have studied and understood your lessons well. Then, you must do everything possible to arrive in top form and well-rested on exam day. It’s not the student who’s terribly anxious despite having studied nothing who will earn an A. It’s the one who has worked hard all year and arrives at the exam fully prepared—confident, relaxed, calm, and well-rested on the big day. The same goes for childbirth. Rather than wasting precious energy on unnecessary anxiety, it’s far more beneficial and productive to prepare your body for the physiological process that awaits you. Read the article The importance of preparing well for childbirth on this topic.

The fifth thing is to ask life to put everything we need on our path so that things go smoothly: meeting the right person at the right time, reading a book that will inspire us, watching a video that will reassure us, having a brilliant idea that will free us from anxiety.

The sixth thing is to let go and trust that life is there to accompany and guide us in a perfect way. Childbirth involves an element of mystery that is not directly within our control. So, once we feel we have done the right thing regarding the elements within our power, we must let go of everything that is not directly under our control. To accept childbirth is to welcome life with all its mystery and even the risks it entails…

In conclusion, life is a series of experiences designed to help us grow, to become increasingly the best version of ourselves, and to become more capable and competent in the areas where we feel called to lead. However, this requires overcoming each of our fears one by one, having the courage to move forward despite these fears—cautiously, at our own pace, and in accordance with our feelings. This is the recipe for emerging from the experience having grown—and sometimes even surprised by ourselves—for having succeeded and feeling so happy to have done so.

This article was written by Claire Loiseleur, mother of eleven children all born within the heart of marital intimacy, through our conscious choice to offer our babies a birth with all the Love and Respect they deserve, and co-author of the book and documentary:

Filled with music and colours, and enriched with numerous captions and voice-over explanations, the documentary EXPERIENCING BIRTH NATURALLY AND PEACEFULLY beautifully complements the teachings shared in the book NATURAL BIRTH WITHIN THE INTIMACY OF THE COUPLE.

This film is available as a streaming video, with instant viewing through a private personal link offering unlimited access.

Read more articles on the topic of respectful childbirth.

A list of these 22 articles, along with a brief summary of each, is available on the following page:

The book GIVING BIRTH NATURALLY AND FREELY AS A COUPLE is part of the Lights for a New World books presented on the Youtube channel and Facebook page entitled : Lights for a New World

The expression « Lights for a New World » is explained on the following page :