Home birth when no midwife is available

Our first baby was born in the car on the way to the clinic. When we got home, we found him disturbed and nervous. We were convinced that being alone in the incubator for two long hours, screaming in distress, had traumatized the child. We believed this explained why he was
not as calm and peaceful as all his other brothers and sisters would later be. We were consumed with remorse and regret for not having stayed home for the birth. Since we couldn’t redo the past, we were determined to offer our next children a home birth.

When I was pregnant with our second baby, we were living in Maroua, in the Far North of Cameroon. There, midwives only work in dispensaries. So we turned to traditional birth attendants, and through a relationship, we met a man with twenty years’ experience in the field. He was unable to speak French, and we didn’t understand his language, Fulani. So we were talking to him through an intermediary. This gentleman agreed to come to our home on the day of the birth.

On the day of the birth, he arrived at our home around seven or eight in the morning. All morning, he sat outside on the terrace, chewing his cola. He simply told us that the child was fine, but that it was not his time yet. I was in the house, mainly in our bedroom, with Christophe who had freed himself from work to stay by my side. Christophe was breathing with me between contractions to help me relax. He actively massaged me when the pain returned. The hours went by.

Around 2.30pm, the traditional birth attendant came into my bedroom with just his two hands. He had no tools, no instruments with him. I was exhausted and at the end of my tether. I wanted to lie down, because I couldn’t take it anymore. But the man vigorously straightened my body. With total respect for my female body, and without ever touching my intimate organs, he held me at pelvic level so that I was vertical. I felt that he was transmitting a lot of strength and energy to me through the vigor of his arms, even though I had none left. Thirty minutes later, our second baby appeared. He arrived asleep, as will be the case for most of his brothers and sisters (see the article Baby fully respected at birth arrives asleep on the subject). The man didn’t touch the baby; Christophe took care of him. A little later, the traditional birth attendant helped me with the delivery, including vigorous massaging of the uterus and warm water. After delivery, having checked that the placenta was whole and intact, this man went home and left us to enjoy our newborn as a couple.

When I was pregnant with our third baby, we were back in France. For the first few months of our pregnancy, we were living in the Hautes Alpes, near Briançon. We met a midwife who used to deliver babies at home. I took part in childbirth preparation sessions with her and other pregnant women. With Christophe and other couples, we watched videos of her home births.

Around six months into my pregnancy, we moved eight hundred kilometers away to Maine et Loire, south of Angers. We met a homeopathic midwife who had performed home births in the past, but no longer wished to do so to preserve her privacy. No matter how hard we looked, there was no midwife in the area willing to come to your home for a birth. There was a birth center in the city of Nantes, 100 kilometers from our home. This birth center had a very good reputation, so you had to sign up in the first few weeks of pregnancy to make sure you have a place. I registered at the hospital, but I had no desire to go there to give birth. And just as with my second baby in Cameroon and all subsequent pregnancies, I didn’t have any follow-up with a gynecologist. It was a choice I had made, because I realized during my first pregnancy that all those blood tests, urine tests, vaginal exams and ultrasounds didn’t help the process at all, and bothered me more than anything else.

Being determined to have a peaceful and respectful birth, we understood that it would just going to be the two of us on the big day. We prepared ourselves psychologically and made all the necessary arrangements. Friends agreed to look after our two little boys on the day of the birth. The birth went very well, in just three hours, in the early hours of the morning, after having slept. It gave us a lot of confidence. Our next three children were born in the same place, in the heart of our marital intimacy.

Then we left France. For the next births, whether in New Caledonia, Australia or Bolivia, we wouldn’t even seek help or follow-up for the pregnancy or birth. We had become autonomous and felt capable of managing the birth of our baby (see the article Mastering the conditions of my child’s birth on this subject).

In conclusion, when you want to give birth at home, if you can’t find a midwife willing to come to your home on the big day, it’s first and foremost a test. Are you going to resign yourself to a hospital birth when you don’t really want to? Or will you find another formula that will allow you to enjoy a home birth in spite of everything? Life is there to accompany you when you need it and help you grow. It’s in your heart that you can feel what’s right for you, provided, of course, you’ve managed to free yourself of all your fears (see the article Overcoming fears of unassisted childbirth on this subject).

As long as you’re governed by fear, it’s not your heart that decides, but your mind that takes control of your life. If you follow your heart, you’ll be guided to make your most cherished desires a reality. If there’s no midwife, perhaps you’ll meet someone else who can accompany you on the day of the birth and who will be perfectly suited to your situation : a doula, a friend, a family member… Or you may feel the call in your heart to experience the birth of your child as a couple or on your own.

Always listen to the inner call of your heart, that little voice that doesn’t make a sound, but knows with certainty what’s right for you.

Your heart will always lead you to what’s best for you, given YOUR situation, and no one but YOU can know what’s best for the birth of YOUR child.

This article was written by Claire Loiseleur who is mother of eleven children all born in conjugal intimacy by choosing to offer our babies a birth with all the respect and love they deserve and co-author of the book:

Read other articles on respected childbirth :

The book AUTONOMOUS NATURAL CHILDBIRTH AS A COUPLE is part of the Lights for a New World books presented on the Youtube channel and Facebook page entitled : Lights for a New World

The expression « Lights for a New World » is explained on the following page :